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Re:Re:"Doubt truth to be a liar;But never doubt I love." All of my questions can be explained to you when I pour out who i am. It may seem illogical to you and 'how can he think that?!' but my brain works in scary ways.. /shrug. What is real and what is not real? I told you that you dont know the whole story and i havent told you. It isnt just about what you 'know' about what is going on this side of town. It's that, plus what is going on with me all the time. You think so many things about me on how i am brilliant.. and why i cant get through to this character. Before you reposted, I already started writing it out the best i can. Because the best way to show you.. is to free-write. Without basic structure of brainstorming.. and without basic purpose. So here it was: And what am i to say to anything? Should I be a man and step up? Or is it, should i be a man and step down? Which correct answer should I even wrap my head around? You've always loved poems and literature. I am not xxx for shakespeare. You know I love origins and the meaning of life. If any quotes that I remember would be directly from philosophers. But what am I supposed to do with any of them? They all clash together anyways... "Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart." - Marcus Aurelius Antoninus I have no idea if you know who that is. But he was a very great philosopher and emperor of rome. He was always worried whether the actions he's done in his life would directly make his people hate him or not.. even though he was doing it for his own love, rome. Am I marcus? Would am I to do in all this? What the hell is the right thing to do? Should I forever keep you away just to do the right thing. Even mathematiy, how can you decide on what the right thing is when it has so many variables? Laughable, but is this an irrational answer it comes out to? Is it plus or minus? Are both decisions the right thing to do? What about Thoreau? Another famous man that you 'should' know. He had more of a poetic way to be a philosopher. xxx of my favorites of his is xxx of his writings on friendship but clearly, it can go into anything. "Nothing makes the earth seem so spacious as to have friends at a distance because they make latitudes and the longitudes" That might not be the exact quote, but its the idea...Is the right thing to do, keep you away? Is it the proper placement of where we should be... : / There's so many scientists and philosophers out there that i respect so much more then any poet. They actually study the meaning of life. The meaning of why and mathematiy do these things. Who greater then Einstein, if you ever read his works outside of his studies. He talks about love all of the time, even life. It's just not as poetic. Maybe we are all poets even Einstein. Plato once said stated that, whoever has the capability of love has become a poet in themselves already. I can go on and on.. but the fact remains of what to do. I have already made the decision.. but everytime I do.. i regret it. I keep you near.. i regret it because i feel so bad for you. I push you away .... i regret it because I feel so bad for you. How does xxx algebraiy balance both sides of the equation and simply make it real? I went to the clinic by the way. I thought to myself, 'funny'. As my metabolism rises, I am always hungry. Burning food so fast. I thought.. 'what's the difference', you know? I sit here thinking of you. No matter how much I consume you, I am still hungry. I hurt either way. I starve myself of you, I hurt either way. Whether I indulge myself with you or not.. I am hurting. I laughed, possibly thinking what 'having seconds' could mean. When I laugh, women fuck men in Grand Lake Colorado CO I am happy because I remember you. Yes, I laugh and smile; only to frown thereafter. I frown because I can't possibly have you. I can't make a decision if I can't know what the moral thing to do is. There's so many things people out there have yet to discover for themselves. Perhaps that is what you mean when you say I am 'brilliant'. Did you know that almost everyone on our planet, enjoys the sound of a waterfall? Or trickling water? We are drawn to it. We love rain. We may not like the 'wetness' of it or how it can ruin our everyday routine. Did you know why? I can't wait to figure out more.. but I do know that, 'scientifiy' the ions formed when the molecules separate and react under the forces of the waterfall.. are directly and subconsciously wanting to bind with our chemistry. We're literally, and chemiy, attracted to it. However, simpletons can't grasp this. Only people who love can 'feel' the rain, all others only get wet. Remember I showed you the experiment on how our thoughts can subconsciously change the balance of chemistry around us? Verbatim, change the system. Imagine why we are all attracted to star gazing? Is it just beautiful, or is it both beautiful and were genetiy prone to want to know? Just imagine for a second, how I feel about all of this. Imagine what love is like. Is it worth it for me to do what I must do and run to you; to 'chemiy' complete the equation that is unbalanced? There's so many ways to describe this. Like I said, I can go on and on and just say these things. I bang my head inside, trying to figure out what I am even doing. You know I can be manipulative. It's second nature to me. Even without you in the picture... i struggle. Am I just saying things to you because I love to manipulate... or am I am saying it to you because it's love and it's real? I cry over my own mind sometimes. You never knew that. Maybe I am brilliant. Maybe not. I choose to think I am not. Sometimes, when I think about the possibility of if I actually AM brilliant. I think, "Then I will surely just destroy my own brain. Constantly good and evil fighting. Do I do and say things only because I love to be brilliant and talk in riddles; manipulative. Perhaps, what if am I doing it because it is actually how crazy I am? What if i am really doing certain things in life because it's the gut feeling and moral. Will I destroy and completely lacerate my own brain's connections inside with these thoughts? Will I ever find out the answers to any of these.. and life.. and if I don't... who will i become? An old crazy man? Alone in my future, dimly lit house? Breathless with a piece of chalk in my hand ; a dead stare in my eyes. Wasting my last few moments, Malta dating event 53925 girls for sex 53925 looking at thousands of chalkboards before me with algebra and symbolic encryptions on them." These are my scared thoughts of who I can become. You only know that I love to read into origins. Sumerian, hieroglyphics, religions, hebrew and greek, chakra, and even alien contact theories. You name it. Illuminati. What actually ARE the answers. You only see the surface of what I know. A taste. You don't know how far I've gone into the rabbit hole. Have I gone too far? Does it scare you, because it scares me. It scares me for reasons stated above, and it also scares me for this fact: What if I become some looney scientist xxx day.. what if I don't even except love for what it is and eventually want a scientific reason to love some xxx So far.. I don't need that or thought of the possibility. I am just afraid that xxx day I might get that way with my studies. The picture that is portrayed is already given though and already written. I've fell in love with you. I don't know how with all the bars that I put up. I somehow swept myself off my own feet for you. Is that even possible? I shouldn't love you for so many reasons and you shouldn't love me for most of the same. What am i supposed to do? I keep asking you that when I already know that you cannot give me the answer or make the decision for me. You can't even make the decision for yourself either. You have no idea what to do either. You are in the same place as I am. Everyone is probably reviewing the section of my post.. and the section of your post, thinking, "These xxx are insane. It's not that complicated." Again, there's so many variables of what would happen to you and what would happen to me. Fate? I don't believe in fate. I know that much, so it is irrelevant to me. There is no such divine interaction that dwells with us anymore and i can prove that 'oh so well. I've changed many people.. i've even drove your mind scared and not wanting me to continue. Do you know how many times i've heard someone besides you say to me, "I don't want you to continue. Don't say anymore. I'm already scared of knowing the truth." And you are in the field of chemistry! You already are AWARE of things that are and things that are not. I've brought down pastors and priests of faith before. People are so set in their dogmas that they are afraid to know what actually is. Unfortunately, it is not always the best thing to inform them either. If everyone knew, imagine the fear world wide. My fear is also, am i corrupting you with all this.. or actually opening what you already wish to know? I don't know what to make of any of it. I am more scared and stuck then you can probably even fathom. These are my thoughts, willingly laid before you on slate. You wished to know the real me. That is. You mentioned that you feel more relieved to know now that i think about you.. but is it more of a relief after i said all this... how MUCH i think about you? Especially the monster that is me?
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